Fragile, Handle With Care December 21, 2010

I woke up this morning thinking how lucky I am.  Paul got home last night, finally.  Waking up this morning and having him there just made my whole world seem right again. My Horrible Crud virus is not completely gone yet, but I feel well enough to know the end is in sight. I’ll be seeing my family in just a few days, and while things are not perfect, they are at least all still with me.  My mom is still recovering from her stroke, and probably will be for some time to come.  My dad was in car accident during the snow storm last week, but thankfully he’s okay.  And one of my stepsisters has been dealing with some ongoing health issues, but she’s strong and she’s tough and she keeps fighting back.  So much to be thankful for, and I woke up ready to do a happy dance.

And now I still feel lucky for all the amazing and wonderful people in my life. But I’m also feeling a bit devastated because I found out when I got home this morning that the world is now short one of those amazing people. Someone I work with died of a heart attack last night.  Honestly, I don’t know if there’s been a shortage of good souls in heaven, but the last couple of months we’ve lost far too many good people down here. And Nick was definitely one of the good ones.  I wouldn’t say I knew him really well.  But I will say that he was one of my favorite people in my office (and across the university for that matter).  You know those people that you’re always happy to see?  The ones who you just always want to stop and talk to, no matter what else you’re doing, because you know that even the few words you exchange with them will brighten your day?  That was Nick. He was a low-key guy, but around here that just made him stand out.

And as if it wasn’t tragic enough, he was only 44 years old, with a wife and a 2 year old son. His family was such a joy for him – you could see it in his face every time he talked about them -  and I just can’t stop thinking about how awful this must be for them.  My heart is breaking for his family. It’s such a huge loss for so many people, that I still can’t quite get my head around it. And yet, being here at work I can hardly think about anything else.

Life is fragile, people.  Cherish the ones that you love, your families, your friends – hold them close, and make sure you tell that you love them as often as you get the chance. Because you never know when you might not have the chance again …

I Need a Little Christmas … December 19, 2010

… right this very minute.  Because my holiday spirit seems to have become more Scroogy and Grinchy than Christmasy.

I’m on day 6 of The Horrible Crud.  And as if it’s not bad enough that I still feel pretty much like I’ve been run over by a truck, I have had NO voice since late Wednesday.  Like I-can-barely-speak-above-a-whisper no voice.  It doesn’t hurt that much anymore, but it’s incredibly frustrating.  I’m congested, and something’s off with my hot water.  Steaming hot showers have been my only real relief this week, and yet somehow when I tried to take a bath tonight, I couldn’t get water hotter than just kind-of-warm.  I have no idea what’s wrong – the hot water heater seems to be working, and I have it turned up to its normal scalding hot levels.  I’m going to try again in a little while and hope this situation has improved.

I’m quarantined at home, and I can’t even communicate with people.  Talking on the phone would be a joke – I sound like a deranged stalker.  The only normal-decibel-level sound I can make is an excellent imitation of a honking goose.  Which is admittedly fun to emit from time to time.  It certainly makes the cat sit up and take notice.  But it’s the holidays, and I can’t even talk to the people I love. Of course, that’s because none of them are actually HERE.

Paul was supposed to be home tonight, after two weeks away.  But winter storms all over Europe have airports closed and flights cancelled, and so he’s currently stranded in Amsterdam.

And I had just typed the rest of this post, and recognized that with all the crap I’m still incredibly lucky and have much to be grateful for and blahblahblah and I actually finished it on a really nice note when my computer crashed and what I wrote above is all that was saved. Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pity party, table for one?

I’m not going to rewrite all of the really nice stuff I wrote, because I am too sick, and too tired, and too sick and tired of everything right now to bother.

But I will finish by saying that I am sending all of you good health and good cheer, and maybe somehow some of it will come back to me.  Because I could really use a little Christmas right now.

O Christmas Tree! December 12, 2010

I am officially done with my Christmas shopping! Hooray!!!  Not that it’s been bad.  I’ve enjoyed shopping this year.  That’s probably a reflection on my overall feeling of serious holiday cheer this year, but anyway, it’s been nice.  Today I even stopped to listen to some carolers singing Sleigh Bells at the outdoor mall here.  They had quite a crowd gathered and it was really lovely. Still, it’s nice to know that I have everyone covered, and now I can just window shop and enjoy looking at everything without worrying that there’s still someone whose present I have yet to find.

Paul is halfway through his Austrian trip, and while we’ve been able to Skype a  few times, I have decided that two weeks is really just too long to be apart.  I hope we can manage to never do this again.  I have been spending as much time as possible cozily ensconced next to my Christmas tree, usually with Jasmine curled up next to me – she seems to be enjoying the tree as much as I am.  And who could blame us?

Pretty, huh? :-)

I only wish I had more time to spend next to it during the dark hours.  I’ve even been getting up early on weekday mornings – around 5 a.m. – so that I can spend 1/2 hour next to the tree before I go to yoga at 6 a.m.  I won’t go into how fantastic my yoga practice is going – for that you can always check out my other blog, if you are so inclined – except to say that I’m sure it’s adding to my general good mood these days.

Last night was the HCTR (my trail running club) Holiday Party at Dart Bowl.  In past years we’ve had a party at someone’s house, so this was a really fun change!  It was great to see some people and catch up with friends.  I’ve made myself a bit scarce where the club’s concerned lately … which is odd I suppose given that I’m still the club president.  Of course, that’s exactly the reason.  The truth is that I really am not enjoying this position at all.  The people are great, and I think I’m actually a pretty good leader … it just turns out that I don’t particularly LIKE being the leader.  That’s an understatement actually.  And so it’s been hard to be a part of things, when it’s just not something I’m deriving any pleasure from at the moment.  It makes me sad.  But the club is important to me, and I made this commitment and I’ll see it through.  And I am really looking forward to the day when I can go back to being just a club member.  But last night was a great reminder of why I decided to take this on in the first place.  Because this is just a terrific group of people, some of the best ones I know.  And it was great to just be with everyone and hang out and have fun.  Gives me something to look forward to in a few months.

In the meantime, I am quite occupied with wedding plans.  I’m going to try to take care of several details, like florist, photographer, cake, etc, when I’m home for Christmas. I don’t know if I’ve actually written this anywhere public, but we’re getting married May 21st, back in Virginia, at one of my favorite places in the world, The Ashby Inn.  I didn’t plan it for this reason, but I do think it’s fun that Paul and I will be able to say we got married in Paris … it just happens to be Paris, Virginia. :-)  If you’ve never been to or seen The Ashby Inn, you should check out some of these photos … it’s just beautiful, and the food is amazing. I am so excited that we were able to get it during the narrow window of time we had.  It’s going to be pretty small, and mostly family … I know lots of people do the big production, but for me it’s such an intimate moment, I can’t imagine having hundreds of people there.

Of course, the most important thing is that at the end of it, Paul and I will be married … and I just get this really nice warm feeling all over every time I think about that. How could I not love this man?  He does things like this when I’m sick …

Sigh … sorry, I’m a little mopey on my own.  Thankfully, I have a multitude of cheesy holiday movies to keep me occupied, ones that Paul would have to be hog-tied with this eyes forced open before he would watch. So perhaps it’s best this way.

This week brings more holiday celebration … my office party, going to see Elf at Alamo Drafthouse. I am so excited for that one! I have also scheduled some time to catch up with friends, over runs, food, drinks, and shopping. Only 13 days till Christmas … I’m almost sad it’s so close.  I love this time of year so much that I hate to have it over with too quickly.

And so I had better get back to it, finishing off my week with a glass of wine and one more holiday movie before bed …

Reunited and it feels so good December 5, 2010

I’m having another one of those fantastic Sundays … sitting on the couch, listening to Across the Water, with my kittie, a glass of wine, and a good book.  My Christmas tree is up and decorated, laundry is almost done.  Of course, the only reason I’m enjoying all this quiet alone time is that Paul is once again out of town, so that’s the downside. But it does give me time to enjoy some holiday hibernation in my last few weeks in my little house, so I’m going to choose to be grateful and happy for this time, instead of being sad that I’m alone.  At least it’s temporary.  Overall, I am less alone than I have ever been. Or maybe I should say less lonely – because I have never minded being alone. Sometimes I even prefer it.

Like this morning … which was the best part of this day  … after nearly five months, I finally got back to the trail. Can you believe I went that long without a trail run?  Because I can’t.  Especially now that I’ve been back out there. I spent about 90 minutes on one of  my favorite routes, and it was utterly wonderful from start to finish.  The minute my feet hit the trail and I began to run, it was as if I entered this Zen state.  My feet just began to move, as if of their own accord. I suppose that after so much time away, I had begun to question how much I really loved the trail, and just how much I really was a trail runner at heart. Well, questions answered. My soul just expanded, and soared, with every step I took.  I hardly saw anyone the entire time, which was perfect.  Just me and my trail, getting to know each other all over again.  And remembering just how much I love it, and just how much it makes me feel right with the world. Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

In other good news, I am almost done with my Christmas shopping.  I have so enjoyed the shopping this year.  I’ve done some online, but unlike in past years, I’ve really enjoyed actually getting out and going to stores.  Of course, this means I’m going to have to ship a bunch of stuff home, but it’s been worth it. I did have one strange experience yesterday. I was at Sephora … where I am a regular customer, but not there THAT frequently.  The last time was probably two months ago.  I am what is called a VIB (Very Important Beauty Insider), which really just means I spend too much money there, but again, it’s just not that bad.  So I was there, doing my shopping, and when I went to check out, the sales associate at the register looked at me, and said “You’re letting your hair grow out.”  Now, I only vaguely remember ever seeing this woman before – and it’s not like I am oblivious to the people helping me.  Also, there is not a hair on my head more than three inches long, so it’s not like my hair has changed all that much.  But here’s the thing … she’s right. I AM letting my hair grow out.  Not a lot, but just enough to work with the veil I have for the wedding. I’m not sure most of my friends have even noticed, but the random woman at Sephora knew right away. I chalk it up to 1) the folks at Sephora being good at what they do, and 2) the fact that I do have a pretty distinctive haircut.  Very few people have hair this short.  So I’m guessing it stands out. But it was a weird moment nonetheless.

This week I’m looking forward to the start of holiday parties.  Actually, that began last night, when I went with Paul to his TACC group’s Christmas party. It’s a lot of fun for me, because I know most of these people, and have for some time, but at the same time it’s not a work party for me.  We really had a great weekend. We took advantage of our new membership at the Blanton Museum – UT’s really fabulous art museum – to attend our first B Scene on Friday night – a bimonthly event complete with bands, cocktails, and free tours of the collections, including the excellent current exhibit Turner to Monet – Masterpieces from the Walters Art Museum in Baltimore. I even got some more Xmas shopping done in the gift shop. This week there are a couple more parties … that should help compensate for having to spend three days this week at a Tax and Estate Planning legal conference. It’s usually informative, but I wouldn’t really call it exciting.

Actually, that’s pretty much been my life lately … mostly fantastic, punctuated with a handful of things that have just sucked.  A member of our trail running club passed away (yes, that’s the second person in a month … it’s just awfully sad); I have some family stuff to deal with that I’d really rather not, because I think a positive outcome is extremely unlikely; and of course, two weeks without Paul.  But thankfully, the good FAR outweighs the bad, and so that’s what I’m going to focus on.  So many blessings, I feel unworthy.  And just enough bitter to make me appreciate the sweet.

Abundance November 29, 2010

Even after a week of non-stop traveling, my holiday spirit is still alive and kicking!  Although I spent most of today thinking that it was Tuesday rather than Monday, so apparently my mental state is a bit questionable.

The travel marathon started the weekend before Thanksgiving, when Paul and I drove to Houston to spend the weekend with his mom.  I realized shortly before we left that I hadn’t seen his mom since before we got engaged, so it was nice to get together and have a chance to celebrate. One thing I am thankful for this year is that I did pretty well in the Mother-In-Law lottery.  :)  Some good food, a lot of sleep, and an excursion to see the new Harry Potter film made for a great start to the holidays.

Banking all that sleep came in handy when I had to get up at 3 a.m. Monday morning. There is nothing good that I can say about that … but taking the 5:45 a.m. flight out of Austin did put us in Philadelphia by lunchtime, in time to get to Jolly’s house and meet Max & Jude at the bus stop.  I still can’t believe they’re old enough to be in Kindergarten and taking the bus home from school!  They spent the rest of the afternoon outside, playing tag – and other various games that involved running around the yard like crazy people – with Paul. M&J love me, but next to Paul I am officially chopped liver.  Still, I can’t exactly blame them or fault their taste. Tuesday Paul and I got the boys to ourselves for part of the day, while Jolly went into work.  My grand plans for morning yoga went out the window … but I’m pretty sure that trying to keep up with a couple of five year-old boys ended up being plenty of exercise.  Paul and I were certainly exhausted by the end of the day … do parents just develop this stamina as they go along?  But it was a great day.  We took the boys to Starbucks, which they loved.  My mom started a tradition when they go to visit her down in Oriental, to take them to the coffee shop and let them have “coffee,” which is basically a little bit of a decaf and a whole lot of milk.  It’s very cute and makes the boys feel very grown up. I sorely confused the barista at Starbucks when I ordered two steamed milks with a splash of decaf, but they got it right and the boys loved it.  They even wanted to stay there and hang out while we drank our beverages.  After coffee we went to this fantastic playground nearby … one of those deals with all kinds of walkways, stairs, monkey bars, climbing ropes, etc … which in this case served as our giant spaceship that we had to defend against the invaders.

Paul and I made a short trip to Whole Foods to pick up the things I hadn’t assigned to my mom’s list, and then Paul, Jolly, and I were off on our nighttime road trip down to North Carolina to spend Thanksgiving with my mom. We hit traffic trying to get to I-95, but once we did, we had smooth sailing all the way past DC … and then things backed up.  Rush hour around Fredericksburg at 11:30 at night?  Seriously? I know it’s the Tuesday before Turkey Day, but sheesh!  Sometime after midnight we stopped at a Waffle House for dinner … I love Waffle House, but this was the longest visit ever.  It took 1/2 hour for the one waitress there to even take our order. At least we got extra sweet tea to go! Not on my approved diet, but I made an exception for the road trip. (As a side note, I managed to return from this whole week of traveling and eating without gaining an ounce, so I’m considering that a rousing success!)  We finally hit Oriental around 5:30 in the morning, and promptly hit the sack.

Paul and I spent the better part of the next two days cooking, although we did manage to fit in two much-needed yoga practices, and I went for my first run in two months … something else to add the very long list of things I’m thankful for.  The complete rundown of the feast? Winter squash, leek, and apple soup; roasted turkey (duh); stuffing with apples and leeks (I went with a bit of a theme here, and it was deeelish); homemade gravy (all Paul’s doing!); mashed potatoes en croute (basically mashed potatoes wrapped in puff pastry – a mouth-watering avalanche of carbs); mashed sweet potatoes; sautéed Brussel sprouts with bacon (after the bacon cooked on the turkey); peas, Irish soda bread courtesy of my aunt (so yummy!); copious amounts of red wine; and finished off with my specialty … chocolate bourbon pecan pie.

Next up on the grateful list: Spending Thanksgiving with my family (some of them anyway). I’ll see the rest at Christmas, but after a tough year with my mom, who had a stroke 6 months ago, to get to spend time with her and see how well she’s doing … truly something to be thankful for.  With my mom, you don’t always know what you’re going to get.  Last year after Thanksgiving we were barely speaking. So to have a nice visit where everyone got along was really special. Especially since this was my first Thanksgiving with Paul. I know we’ll have a lifetime more of them, but I’ve already made it clear what a sucker I am for the holidays, and I want our first holidays together to be special. I’m not putting too much pressure on (especially since he’ll be gone for two weeks in December), but let’s get real. Of all the things I’m thankful for this year, he’s without question #1 on the list.

And now I’m thankful to be home and getting back to normal. Back to my vegan diet (which feels so much better!), back to my (almost) daily yoga practice.  Of course, I’m passing my free time by indulging shamelessly in cheesy holiday movies.  I love them, without embarrassment.  My DVR is nearly full, and somehow Boardwalk Empire and Burn Notice are taking a backseat to the Hallmark Channel.  I’ve spared Paul so far, and I’m pretty sure that’s one of the things he’s thankful for this year.  :)  I’m also looking forward to doing more Christmas shopping. I’m done with some people already, and lots more will be ordered online. But in addition to cheesy holiday movies, I am also a sucker for shiny objects. Paul and I went to the Domain yesterday to do some shopping, and I am like a little kid with all the decoration and cute stuff all over – jewelry, shoes, Xmas decorations, shoes, funky little gifts, shoes.  I don’t even need to buy things (and I didn’t) … I just love to look around. It somehow provides me with wish-fulfillment, yet without spending money or ending up with too much stuff.

Next up … going later this week to get my Christmas tree.  Once I have that, it will be hard to get me to leave my house.  I love to snuggle in on the couch with the tree lit, candles burning, a nice cup of tea, and my kittie all curled up with me as I watch yet another holiday movie.  I’m going to use every minute Paul is gone to indulge in this while I can.  This will be last Christmas in my little house … I move into Paul’s after Xmas.  And while I couldn’t be more excited to start the next phase of our life together, I am definitely already sad about leaving my little house in Hyde Park.  I’ve lived here for almost 5 years … the only place I’ve ever stayed longer is the house where I grew up. Moving is the right thing for me, but I’m still sad.  And so I plan to wring every last drop of holiday enjoyment out of being home this year.

I have an embarrassment of riches when it comes to blessings and things to be thankful for. And so my only real wish for this holiday season is that the people I love have their own dreams come true this year. Happy Thanksgiving … I hope you all have much for which to be grateful.

Hitting the Reset Button November 14, 2010

This is my favorite time of the week, Sunday evening.  Sitting on my couch, listening to my favorite show on KUT, Across the Water … two hours of Celtic music that relaxes me, soothes my soul, and ends my week on a perfectly happy note.  Normally I’d be at Paul’s house (doing exactly the same thing), but he’s out of town this weekend, so I’m at home by myself.  And despite wishing he was here with me – I know I’ve found the perfect guy for me when I’d trade much of my alone time to have him with me instead – it’s been a perfect fall day here in Austin, cool and crisp, and I have just reveled in it.

I started my day as I have almost every day of the past few weeks, in meditation.  I’m still struggling to stay focused throughout, struggling to calm down my nervous system – that’s why they call it “practice,” right? – but I am finding that I look forward to starting each day this way. It even makes it easier to get up at 5 a.m. Today didn’t start quite that early, and I had time to relax with some nice hot water with lemon and a book before I headed out for yoga.  After three days off while I healed from having LASIK surgery on Wednesday, I was so looking forward to getting back to my Ashtanga practice … yet another thing I’ve added back into my life recently that seems to have stuck quite readily.

Somehow this gorgeous day managed to be both productive and relaxing for me … what a rare and perfect combination!  Much of the afternoon I relaxed, curled up on the couch, drank hot tea, and watched movies, but I also managed to finish four loads of laundry, did a light house cleaning, and even tackled the very satisfying task of cleaning the refrigerator.  I also took this opportunity to go ahead and throw out my unused contact lenses, to stow the unused saline solution in the cabinet (I’d throw it out but I hate to waste anything and you never know when you might have an overnight guest who needs some), and to take my lovely but now unnecessary Dior glasses and put them in a drawer until such time down the road as they might need to be repurposed into reading glasses … hopefully that will be a decade from now and they’ll be so out of fashion I’ll laugh at myself for keeping them all this time.

I can’t tell you what a weird feeling it is, to think that I don’t need any of those things anymore.  I can just SEE.  All the time.  It’s not so strange during the day.  I’m used to being able to see during the day, even if now it’s unaided.  It is nice to not have the irritation I often got from a long day in my contacts, and it’s really nice to be out of my glasses, which I had to wear for the three weeks leading up to the surgery.  But it still gives me a start, to wake up in the middle of the night, or first thing in the morning, and glance at the clock, only to have the time appear completely clear.  I love it.  It’s like my eyes are a new toy. :)  And I seem to be healing really well, with very few of the side effects I was warned to expect.

I don’t know if it’s the weather, or the fact that I’m generally just really happy these days, but I seem to have fallen into the holiday mode … the sap has arrived early this year.  Usually I can hold out till Thanksgiving, but for some reason I seem to be feeling warm and fuzzy and nostalgic and sentimental already.  I can’t wait to decorate my house, to visit with friends at Christmas parties, to see my family at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I’m a huge sucker for the holidays … the cheesy movies, the even cheesier decorations, peace-on-earth-goodwill-toward-men and all that.

I will hold out until the week of Thanksgiving for most of it – the tree, the music, etc.  One sad note … since the online radio station WOXY went off the air this year, their fantastic Holiday Mixer is no more.  I’ve been listening to this non-stop throughout the holidays for years, and I will miss all the unique holiday music that I would never have heard anywhere else. If anyone knows of a great substitute, please pass it along, I’d be ever so grateful.

Maybe some of this holiday spirit is also due to my feeling physically better than I have in a while. Physically, this year has been really up-and-down for me.  I started off on such a good note, with my resolution to go vegan and all that.  It lasted about half the year, until months of feeling awful forced me to the doctor, and a diagnosis of borderline iron-and-B12-deficient anemia.  So it was back to being an omnivore.  I felt better physically, but emotionally I just couldn’t stop feeling awful about my decision.  I hated it.  As I joked with a cashier at Wheatsville Coop one day, I was a reluctant, bitter carnivore.  Unfortunately, my way of dealing with this was to basically say “screw it” where my diet and health were concerned.  So by the end of October, I was not only not running and not doing yoga, I was also eating in a way that was just making me unhappy and unhealthy.

I knew it had to stop, so I decided to start fresh at the beginning of November (hence the title of this post).  I recommitted myself to Ashtanga and meditation, and I also endeavored to revamp my diet. I decided to start with the same three-week vegan cleanse that I used at the start of 2010, with the hope that when it was over, I could gradually add in just enough meat and fish to get the protein and vitamins I need to stay healthy.  Within a few days, I felt better than I have in months.  My skin looks the best it has in ages, and while I still have about 10-15 pounds that need to come off, I feel lighter than I have in a long time. A figurative weight has lifted.  I’m being diligent about taking my vitamins – multi, iron, Vitamins B12 and D, Omega-3.  I also decided to go ahead and schedule some time with Meredith, my friend and a nutritionist who has been a big help to me in the past.  She didn’t disappoint.  Much to my surprise and my pleasure, Mer is convinced that with some real effort and commitment on my part, I can get the protein and vitamins I need and still stay vegan.  To hear that, to have the hope that I don’t have to compromise my ethical beliefs in order to be healthy … it’s like this little flower of joy that’s bloomed inside of me.

I’m not striving to be perfect … that’s ridiculous, and boring, and unattainable, and who on earth wants that kind of pressure?  What I am striving for is to focus on making choices that make me feel good, and not just in the short term. I may make the occasional exception and eat meat, not because I have to, but because I make a deliberate choice to.  I don’t know yet.  We’ll see how it goes.  But I’m really going to try to make the effort to be committed to this.  And I’ll be checking in with Mer, so if I do run into trouble, we can fix it before things go completely off the rails.

Maybe all this holiday spirit is just because I feel like there’s so much to look forward to.  Yes, there’s the diet and exercise and all that.  But of course, most of it is that I’m looking to the future, and making all the plans and preparations to  spend my life with someone else … something that for a long time I wasn’t even sure I wanted, let alone would find. And yet somehow I have.  It’s funny … getting married is this thing that almost everyone does, that almost everyone I know has already done. In some ways it’s really so mundane and everyday. And in truth, my everyday life with Paul is often routine and basic and pretty ordinary, and let’s face it, it will probably continue to be that way.  Because that’s how our lives are most of the time.  It may be boring to some people, and maybe at one point in my life I would have felt that way. But now it’s this perfect combination of comforting and exciting all at the same time. Like that perfect pair of jeans that are completely worn in and that you reach for all the time, because they not only feel fantastic, they also make your a** look amazing. :) Is it weird to compare the love of my life to a pair of jeans? Oh well, miracles often come in unexpected packages. And make no mistake, as ordinary as this may be, it’s a complete and utter miracle to me.

I know most of us think of New Year’s as the time to hit the reset button, the time for making changes and resolutions, and to start over and try to get things right.  But if you need to hit the reset button, why not do it now?  Why wait? Wouldn’t it be great to go into a new year, not feeling like you need to start over, but feeling like you’re already on the right track? Instead of viewing the holidays as a time to either indulge in unhealthy habits, or to fight that urge and feel like you’re depriving yourself all the time … wouldn’t it be great to treat this as a time to love yourself?  To spread all that holiday cheer to yourself first?  To treat your life as something beautiful, something to be nourished and cared for and celebrated?  Just a thought …

C’mon Get Happy November 2, 2010

There’s a lot going on right now, and much of it’s really pretty great. I have some funny things to share, and general news, and Halloween pictures. But it just feels weird to share all of that without also sharing that a friend of mine died this past weekend.

Dano was my friend.  He was a fellow runner and even though I wasn’t as close to him as a lot of people I know, it didn’t take much to figure out that he was a truly amazing human being – someone I always looked forward to seeing, and someone who added to the lives of everyone he came into contact with. He came across much of the time as a smart-ass … and I liked that about him. But underneath it (and not very far underneath if you took any time at all to look) he was a coach, a philosopher, an adventurer, a warrior … and just a damn good friend.

And here’s the thing. I’m sad. Of course I’m sad. And yet that’s not the overwhelming emotion I keep feeling. Because sad is just not a word I associate with Dano. Even though he’d been sick for a while now – battling ALS – Dano’s spirit was anything but sad. And so sad just doesn’t seem like the right way to feel.

Honestly, I keep going to back to this post I read a few weeks ago.  I love The Bloggess … her website is one of my favorites, and can always be relied on to have me laughing hysterically.  But this post was about losing two people she cared about in the same week.  And instead of just curling up in a ball of misery as most of us would be inclined to do, here’s her reaction:

“You might think that this would push me over the edge into an irreversible downward spiral of xanax and Regina Spektor songs but no. It’s not. I’m fucking done with sadness, and I don’t know what’s up the ass of the universe lately but I’ve HAD IT. I AM GOING TO BE FURIOUSLY HAPPY, OUT OF SHEER SPITE.

Can you hear that? That’s me smiling, y’all. I’m smiling so loud you can fucking hear it. I’m going to destroy the goddamn universe with my irrational joy and I will spew forth pictures of clumsy kittens and baby puppies adopted by raccoons and MOTHERFUCKING NEWBORN LLAMAS DIPPED IN GLITTER AND THE BLOOD OF SEXY VAMPIRES AND IT’S GOING TO BE AWESOME.“

I love this.  If ever there was someone whose life deserved to be celebrated, it’s Dano.  Furiously happy.  Maybe that’s not quite the right emotion here, but it feels close.